Sunday Dysphoria

This was shot back on Sunday, May 14th of 2023 as part of an anthology submission for the project The Way We Dream under the title of Episode. Editing it back then is as tough as it is now, what you're seeing is as much a dramatization as it is just a plain documentation of all my personal struggles with depression, gender dysphoria, sexuality and self loathing at that time. It had to come out some way, if not in anger and destruction then at the very least through art and thus I used the anthology as a excuse to project out all I was feeling inside or atleast attempt to. Being in the editing room with the film back in 2022 however felt more like a prison especially as by that point I had fully confronted the fact that I was a woman and this footage just reminds me of a time, of a person that I was finally able to escape from. Being able to return to the film now with enough time, perspective, growth and change, I was able to I feel, complete it in a way that is most honest and true to what was going on with me at that time so while it is still a uncomfortable project for me to handle, at the very least I am much happier with the end result here which expresses clearer what was really going on with me. I just really wanna honor the person in this footage, who was going through a lot, who I am so different from now but I wouldn't be where I am at without going through what is shown here first. All I hope is that you can compare, watch any videos or films (coming soon) I have made since transition to this and I think Sunday Dysphoria makes clear how dehumanizating and rotten, the state of being pre egg or denying your own identity could really be.