Merrimen Exterminators

Merrimen Exterminators is a legit pest control business run by a brother and sister. Valerie runs the shop while Mike works part time as a financial advisor and part time in the field. Their sideline business involves getting rid of abusive husbands by setting up “accidents.” Their pay for the extra service is a sliding scale based on insurance payments.

When well-to-do Joni Prentice-Wittams comes in for services with a million dollar policy and double indemnity for accidents, Mike does the math and ponders getting out of the business and into bed with Joni. As a financial advisor with Joni as a client, he has easy access.

After Joni’s husband conveniently dies from black widow bites, Mike - against the advice of his sister Valerie - gets romantically involved, makes a move and marries Joni. He pressures Valerie to get out of the business.

Joni is convinced her husband is having an affair and again goes to Merrimen Exterminators soliciting their services. She finds that Merrimen Exterminators is going out of business and closing their doors for good.

Valerie tries to talk Joni out of putting a hit out on her husband when Mike walks in. Valerie demands that Mike get rid of the tramp. Mike refuses. Valerie decides to take the matter into her own hands. When she pulls again out of the desk drawer and fires at Joni, Mike jumps in and takes the bullet.

  • Suzanne Birrell
  • Project Type:
    Screenplay, Television Script
  • Genres:
    Drama, film noir
  • Number of Pages:
  • Country of Origin:
    United States
  • Language:
  • First-time Screenwriter:
  • Student Project:
  • Page Turner Screenplays- first 15
    March 29, 2021
    quarter finalist
Writer Biography - Suzanne Birrell

Suzanne Birrell started her career in the entertainment business as a child when she wrote, produced, and directed comedy skits for the neighborhood kids. She stumbled into the professional world as a bareback and gymkhana rider where she landed doing stunts in Hollywood and fell in love with the movies.

Raising a family took her out of California into rural America and primitive life on a farm: cutting logs, hauling them with a horse to the sawmill, building a house with a hammer and saw. No electricity, gravity-fed water, wood heat, farm-raised food, making bread and wine, canning and slaughtering. Meanwhile she punched out stories on an old Remington and got involved in local theatre where she apprenticed as a director.

Later she went on the road as a bass player/singer with a traveling band, lost her brakes on a high Colorado mountain, was a main witness for a national murder trial, and started writing scripts.
After landing in San Francisco, she worked as production manager with the Fringe of Marin and honed her skill as a scriptwriter by seeing her words up on stage.

A writer needs to experience life and Suzanne has lots to write about. She continually re-invents herself: as a bartender, camp cook, wrangler, baker, waitress, hotel maid, taught Intro to Opera and Shakespeare at Junior College, naturally certified paralegal, artist in residence on the Navajo Nation, jailed as a political activist and took the case pro-se to the state supreme court. Back in rural New Mexico, she currently teaches middle school band and hosts a screenwriter/actor group.

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Writer Statement

Suzanne likes a good mystery, satirical comedies, and tear jerking dramas. Her focus is on character pieces for ensemble casts, with strong roles for women. Coming from a multi-ethnic background [2nd gen. Sicilian, 2nd gen. Scotch, 3rd gen. German, & Pottawatomie (not registered) ]she brings a unique perspective to her scripts.