Private Project

I can only do so much

The main topic of the film is suicidality in context of close relationships. But its focus is not on the suicidality itself.

Instead it gives insights into the thoughts and feelings of a close person / partner who never had any suicidal intentions themselves.

It therefore provides a very different new perspective on how one can possibly think about suicide and a close relationship to someone who is facing this problem.

Mental health issues are universal and more common than the taboo would have us believe. But since they are often rooted in trauma and discrimination, the relationships of marginalized, queer and trans folks are on average more often affected by them.

The film is split in three intimate one-on-one talks of two trans people who are in a close relationship. The talks take place in three different locations and are framed by an imaginary opening and closing scene.

Content Warning: In the talks we deal with topics like suicide, death, trauma, ptsd and sexual violence but there are no graphical scenes of any kind.

  • Lillion Lost
    Director
  • Lillion Lost
    Writer
  • Lillion Lost
    Producer
  • Pine Tree
    Key Cast
  • Lillion Lost
    Key Cast
  • Lillion Lost
    Director of photography
  • Project Type:
    Documentary, Short, Student, Other
  • Runtime:
    18 minutes
  • Completion Date:
    June 1, 2022
  • Production Budget:
    0 EUR
  • Country of Origin:
    Sweden
  • Country of Filming:
    Sweden
  • Language:
    English
  • Shooting Format:
    Digital
  • Aspect Ratio:
    16:9
  • Film Color:
    Color
  • First-time Filmmaker:
    Yes
  • Student Project:
    Yes - Kvinnofolkhögskolan
  • Kashish Mumbai International Queer Film Festival
    Mumbai
    India
    June 1, 2022
    Indian Premiere
    Official Selection
  • Out And Loud Pune International Queer Film Festival
    Pune
    India
    December 16, 2022
    Official Selection
  • ART200 International Queer Film Festival
    Bucharest
    Romania
    September 17, 2022
    Romanian Premiere
    Official Selection
  • Queer Film Fest Rostock
    Rostock
    Germany
    October 7, 2022
    German Premiere
    Official Selection
  • Malmö Queer Fim Festival
    Malmö
    Sweden
    April 19, 2024
    Sweden Premiere
    Official Selection
  • Cinemaking International Film Festival
    Dhaka
    Bangladesh
    December 18, 2024
    Bangladesh Premiere
    Honorable Mention
  • Iconic Indie Film Awards
    Peshawar
    Pakistan
    October 13, 2024
    Pakistan Premiere
    Official Selection
  • Janjira International Film Festival
    Murud
    India
    December 31, 2024
    Offical Selection
  • Goa Short Film Festival

    India
    November 15, 2025
    Official Selection
Director Biography - Lillion Lost

Lillion Lost is a neurodivergent, nonbinary, white trans artist.

They began at an early age to write poems and texts and act in school plays. As a teen they started to incorporate their written work into music, drawings and collages.

They have been technical advisor and assistant director in two puppet theater plays at Volksbühne Berlin and so overcame their anxiety of reading and performing in front of people.

Nowadays they express themselves in more diverse ways on stage or in films and are engaged in different kinds of queer activism.

Topics of their output often circle around gender, neurodivergence or how mental illness and traumatic experiences can effect the human mind.

As a school assignment during 'Feminist Focus Studies' at Kvinnofolkhögskolan they created their debut short film "I can only do so much", a hybrid documentary, exploring perspectives on suicidality in context of close relationships.

After 2 years of studying film production at Göteborg Folkhögskolans Filmlinje in Gothenburg/Sweden they founded their own production company and are mainly working as director of photography and camera operator.

Add Director Biography
Director Statement

I can organize everything but myself.