Private Project

I can only do so much

The main topic of the film is suicidality in context of close relationships. But its focus is not on the suicidality itself.

Instead it gives insights into the thoughts and feelings of a close person / partner who never had any suicidal intentions themselves.

It therefore provides a very different new perspective on how one can possibly think about suicide and a close relationship to someone who is facing this problem.

Mental health issues are universal and more common than the taboo would have us believe. But since they are often rooted in trauma and discrimination, the relationships of marginalized, queer and trans folks are on average more often affected by them.

The film is split in three intimate one-on-one talks of two trans people who are in a close relationship. The talks take place in three different locations and are framed by an imaginary opening and closing scene.

Content Warning: In the talks we deal with topics like suicide, death, trauma, ptsd and sexual violence but there are no graphical scenes of any kind.

  • Lillion Lost
  • Lillion Lost
  • Lillion Lost
  • Pine Tree
    Key Cast
  • Lillion Lost
    Key Cast
  • Project Type:
    Documentary, Short, Student, Other
  • Runtime:
    18 minutes
  • Completion Date:
    September 22, 2021
  • Production Budget:
    0 EUR
  • Country of Origin:
  • Country of Filming:
  • Language:
  • Shooting Format:
  • Aspect Ratio:
  • Film Color:
  • First-time Filmmaker:
  • Student Project:
    Yes - Kvinnofolkhögskolan
Director Biography - Lillion Lost

Lillion Lost is a neurodivergent, nonbinary, genderfluid, white trans artist.

They began at an early age to write poems and texts and act in school plays. As a teen they started to incorporate their written work into music, drawings and collages.

They have been technical advisor and assistant director in two puppet theater plays at Volksbühne Berlin and so overcame their anxiety of reading and performing in front of people.

Nowadays they express themselves in more diverse ways on stage or in films and are engaged in different kinds of queer activism in multiple projects.

Topics of their output often circle around gender, neurodivergence or how mental illness and traumatic experiences can effect the human mind.

At the moment they are a student of Kvinnfolkhögskolan in Gothenburg/Sweden, and study 'Film, Text, Performance' as a part of the 'Feminist Focus Studies'.

As a school assignment they created their debut short film "I can only do so much", a hybrid documentary, exploring perspectives on suicidality in context of close relationships.

Add Director Biography
Director Statement

I can organize everything but myself.