Crush my Heart

I was born in Košice, near the Ukrainian border in Eastern Slovakia. A poor region, even among the Slovaks smiled at as inferior and that, even though the majority of creative people have it´s origin in Eastern Slovakia. Especially in Eastern Slovakia there are many Roma. Unlike in Austria, in Slovakia people are growing up very aware that there are Roma. Only since a few years ago in Vienna, I saw them again as part of the society, often in the form of beggars. There was an experience with an approximately 12-year-old Roma boy whom I had known by sight for a long time. He came to my table, wanted money and cigarettes, when we did not give him any of it, he began to berate us wildly without knowing that I speak Slovak and understand everything. I was as puzzled and shocked as this boy, who was actually still a child could screw so quickly. His countenance had changed rapidly in recent years, they were grim, aggressive and no longer a 12-year-old boy. The thought of him left me no peace. Where would he sleep, where eat? Did he attend any school? Does he have friends, a favorite song? What does he do if he does not have to beg on the streets? That's how it all began, first with the help of the Vienna police until the first meeting with Jozefina Tomášová/a Romni from Eastern Slovakia . With her help I visited for almost three years countless slums where the Slovak Roma live, mostly on the outskirts or away from small villages and I was able to get in touch with people, their fears and hopes. From many livestories which people have told me, the script was gradually created. Above all, I had the opportunity to include her in the screenplay asking repeatedly, how would they react, what would be conceivable in their life situation and what not. From the very beginning it was very important to me that I know as much as possible about their customs, their family structures and the rules of conduct. It was also particulary important for me that my research was well founded and I was authentic to the story of our protagonists. I hope this can be seen in the behavior of our protagonists and in the decisions they make and also in the complexion of the film, be it the scene-/costume design or in the music.
An unmarried, childless 35-year-old Roma from an Eastern Slovak slum like Rocky has to deal with a different kind of social pressure and behaves differently than an Austrian craftsman of the same age. Marcela, who has never been on an escalator herself, does not think much about influencers, make-up techniques or Christmas. It's the same with everyone else of our Protagonists. The only thing that connects all the characters in my film is the search for love and security, the will to be loved and accepted. In a sense, they all want to break out of the role assigned to them by the patriarchal power structure and to be free. Being free in the choice of your partner and being free to be the person you would like to be.
Not only in CRUSH MY HEART, but also in Slovakia, this desire among most Roma is a fight against windmills. The patriarchal power structures and the associated role assignment are deeply rooted in their culture, until today. So our main characters at least try to rebel against the social rules, but fail completely. It was the story of a young couple from Eastern Slovakia who finally led me to deny our lovers Pepe & Marcela the happiness of fulfilled love. Nevertheless, I do not see an absolute defeat in the self-imposed suicide of Marcela and Pepe. A few years ago I had to encounter a near-death experience. I can only remember my last thoughts before the waves carried me with them. My thoughts were as banal as cheesy, so straightforward that it's almost scary. "Why did not I tell him more often that I love him?"
At that point, I somehow felt satisfied and freed. I had lived a wonderful life and lived more or less everything worth living for. I was not angry, I was a bit concerned that I should not be able to participate anymore in the beautiful life. And that's exactly how I see the last decision of Pepe and Marcela. In such moments, and I can actually say that from my own experience, one is gratefull for all decisions you made yourself. Pepe and Marcela have experienced feelings that many people are denied. They come from a culture that lives intensely. They lived for love.
The casting took place more or less continuously. During the many research trips we got in touch with so many people that many of their stories as well as themselves are in the film. At the very beginning, we had a Slovak casting agency, which was racist and sent us tanned gadji (non-Roma) with the message they were more reliable and better and the message authenticity was not important. After a short while we broke up with this agency. Funny enough, I found Simona Kovácová on Facebook. I've browsed through countless Facebook profile photos, starting with the search entry for a classic Roma surname. She was only 14 years old at that time, but had a very natural approach to the camera, a sensitivity for the scenes and the figure of Marcela.

Roman Pokuta was found with the help of our Slovakian co-casting agent Juraj Baláž, who has also worked for Martin Šulík's film CIGÁN Roma and had a lot of experience. No one should compare these castings with our standard castings. Most of the casted people do not have mail or trust an official casting call. That is the reason why, we scoured schools, villages, sports fields, music and dance schools, clubs, etc. and asked directly on-site those who we thought might fit for the role, whether they would like to have time and leisure. Those who wanted got a little scene and had a week to prepare for the casting.
Ari Yehudit Richter, my assistant director and I traveled to Eastern Slovakia every week and sometimes it happened that the candidates we came for did not even turn up and that, although we had contact with them on Facebook on a daily basis, often also one hour before the beginning of the casting. Then it was mostly "I have to take care of my brother" or "I have to work." That's just a different mentality. When we happened to see Roman at a sports festival near the largest slum in Richnava, it was clear to me: that he could be the right main male character. With an aggressive haircut, piercings, leather jacket and smoking, a sensitive teenager was hidden behind his armor, but he was not allowed to be sensitive in his settlement. Roman also got a small scene to prepare. We had to give money to Marek Horvath - a Rom from Romans Slum, with whom our caster has already worked on CIGÁN - to make sure that Roman comes to the casting and does not shave his hair any further. After realizing that Roman could be Pepe, we brought Simona and František Balog, who plays Rocky and is the only one in whole Slovakia, who has a permanent position as an actor at the State Theater, to see how they harmonize. There was a second candidate for the role of Pepe at the time, but when Simona became totally nervous in Roman's presence, it was clear: it is novel.
The shooting with Roman and Simona was clearly different than with any professional actors, because for both of them it was the first experience in a film. It was much less about what the characters did before or where they were going, it was always a here and now - similar to their mentality in real life. It was a lot more physical than internal, though both had to cry in the emotional scenes when their characters had to cry. I was very happy when Simonida Selimovic, a Serbian-born Romni living in Austria agreed to join our project. Simonida did not speak the Slovak language and had to learn her text almost without understanding anything. The language issue was already a surprise at the beginning, because I thought all Roma speak Romanes.

But it was often the case that they only speak Romanes and no Slovak in a slum and ten kilometers away it was the complete opposite.
Only Roman Pokuta, Martin Gábor and Simonida Selimovic spoke Romanes, and even the three spoke so different dialects that they had difficulty communicating with each other. I met Martin Gábor at one of the first auditions when he auditioned for the role of Pepe. His character and backstory exists only for him, he is a very impressive and inspiring person with a tawdry background - much like Jessi, the character who plays Martin.
On the whole, the entire casting process was intriguing and extremely challenging. Many of the young people we casted could not read or write, creating an unpleasant and sad situation for all concerned. There are many dedicated people in Slovakia, who try to get young people out of their slums and give them new perspectives in the form of music, dance and drama – for example Ivan Akimov, who leads together with his Romni wife Helena Akimová full of verve and with a mad energy, the music school Kesaj C. In most cases, however, the attempt fails and often the girls are pregnant before the age of 18, or their families simply don´t let them go.

ALEXANDRA MAKAROVÁ