Confessions of a Swedish Man

When my grandfather had small children in the 1950’s, dinner was served at the moment when he arrived home from work. Sex with my grandmother was a legal right of his within their marriage. Him changing a diaper or caring for the children when they
were sick would never happen. Today, 70% of Swedish men go on paternity leave when they have small children. The law of sexual consent, which defines a sexual act as rape unless all participating
parties have explicitly consented to it, was legislated in Sweden in 2018. Swedish men and women are expected to be equal. On the surface, things are changing. But how do we achieve the same change within ourselves? And do we risk losing crucial parts of
ourselves in the process? I am a Swedish man in my mid 40’s, a part-time single father of two. I consider myself a feminist. I travel to an anti-feminist mens camp in Jutland to research why the
men there are so angry at feminists. But what I had thought was a simple question turns out to be much more difficult
than I had ever imagined. I am being pulled further and further down into the rabbit hole of the“manosphere” and my world is turned upside down. The explicit conflict I had planned to depict is overpowered by an internal conflict within myself. How much of my own identity, the ways in which I have been a partner
and the kind of dad that I am, are imprinted with normative expectations of what a man should be?
What happens to me when the male identity is under scrutiny? Why is it so difficult for me to hug other men? Why is it so much easier for me to be angry than to cry or show vulnerability? What can I do to stop my scars from becoming the wounds of my children? Ultimately, my doubts turn out to be my only way forward. Being male is an important part of my identity, but am I allowed the space to be fully human as a man?