Color My Grey Street

My film, "Color My Grey Street" holds deep personal value to me. Throughout my life I have struggled with anxiety, anxiety that was often perpetuated through family conflict. As a result, I relied on the consumption of music as a form of healing. Likewise, Ama leans on her paintings to guide her through her troublesome experiences. Like me, she is a black and white thinker. Threading through numerous thematic elements, my film attempts to break down ones distorted perception of their past as a result of childhood trauma. These characters are largely based on people in my own life. Creating this film was healing for me. I hope those who watch it can resonate with using art as a healing mechanism in order to truly grow and find peace with their inner-child.

Our piece tells the story of stubborn, passive character, AMA: a woman who needs something like the force of a breakup to look her past straight in the eye; recognize her own culmination as both an artist and human. As the story concludes, perhaps she resides in a sort of enlightened resting point; a new level of understanding, and a heightened perception of self.
Our film reflects many themes: yearning, desire, a muffled attempt to mend one's childhood trauma, and an artist thirsty for answers that simply sit within herself. If there is one thing we can pick up about this character it is that everything external is truly external; a desperate attempt to run away from one's full potential, or in this case, “third eye”. No one gave it to her, she always had it within herself. I give my audience the freedom to resonate with this statement however they choose fit.

Growing up, I often moved around homes and schools, a result of my parent's divorce from a young age. As a little one with anxiety, this only seemed to perpetuate things. But the extremities of my emotions were something I grew to love and be in awe of…This little girl, craving the thrill of life yet also running straight from it. One minute there was overwhelming love, “THE WHITE” and another, overwhelming isolation, “THE BLACK”

And then, as I grew older, then there was a “grey zone” a period of what felt like dissociation and numbness. I felt like I didn't see a world outside of myself, but at the same time, the world outside of me began to feel too certain, expecting. I was…bored. However, the past couple of years I have learned the true beauty of stillness, the true beauty of healing, and evolved self-expression. Maybe I wasn’t jumping through extreme highs and lows, but I felt content– I felt just as real as one can be. And yet, I would still overthink. I would wonder.. wonder if I could always feel more during these times, times when I feel as though I am taught to feel less and less. That is an artist’s journey. This is Ama’s journey. She has an impulsive desire to feel, but she doesn’t have a long-term need for it– for she can’t sit with anything for too long, as feelings become an entity of the past. In her head, someone is telling her not to, her childhood self becomes her teacher. Whether she makes this self-portrait feeling black, white, or grey, she knows one thing is for sure: her art is a form of self-empowerment; a true reclamation of oneself.