Forgetting Caroline

I had just finished a 23-page script and a 120-page thesis dissertation on a film I was planning on making in Thailand, when I realized I had to make a different film that was pressing on me for almost a year. My graduate advisor supported my decision in starting over with a new script, a second dissertation paper and eventually what became my final SDSU thesis film- Forgetting Caroline.

As I made this decision, a year had gone by since I had last seen my former partner and her six-year-old daughter. Unlike any other previous relationship in my life, this one was different. There was another person involved. Over the course of one year since our separation, I reflected on my experience as an adult figure, a role-model, and a friend to what could have been my step-daughter. I compared my personal experiences with people in my life that I knew were raised by a step-parent in which I had observed many close interactions among them. From my cousin being raised by his stepfather for 21-years, to my best-friend who was my next door neighbor throughout K-12 who had also been raised by a step-father for 18-years.

From an objective point-of-view, I realized they were all positive experiences in which I witnessed. But, I had to dig deeper. I spoke to all parties on a one-to-one basis, and I inquired about their experiences as a step-child/step-parent. All of them had no regrets and spoke highly about each other, for the most part. A part of me also wanted to hear the opposite answer. I wasn't sure why. But I didn't want to hear that coming from them. So I turned to the internet and it wasn't hard to find people expressing their views on how a step-parent and/or step-child made their life a difficult one. Reading and hearing these views also didn't help.

This film became the best way to reflect on my experiences from a present standpoint. Only time heals and only time will tell.