FEATHER

One night, Years ago, while roaming the streets of Tehran homeless and dealing with mental health and medication complications, Like Eloisa longing for Abelard, I walked penniless to Imam Khomeini Airport where I was arrested by the police. Upon becoming aware of my mental condition, the police labelled me ‘Code 66’ and sought my identity and family. After contacting my family, they put me in a cab headed to my aunt’s place. Out of exhaustion, I was not able to keep myself awake during the ride, neither did I have any hopes for the ride to end well. I feared I would never be able to wake up again if I allowed myself to go to sleep. All throughout the ride I felt as though I was tiptoeing on an edge, with Abelard on one side and death on the other; madness on one side and fear on the other.
That same feeling delivered me half-conscious to my aunt’s place, but the door was never opened for me. The driver kept my only ID card as means of guaranteeing payment and the house door remained closed. I needed sleep. I hardly dragged myself to the maintenance room of the next building where the building guard found me half awake and handed me over to the police. Once in the car, I caught a glimpse of my aunt under early sunrise, claiming not to know me. That arrest resulted in a series of unfortunate events in addition to physical and psychological torment that I have not been able to forget; they follow me to this day and haunt me in solitude.
In making this work, I have attempted to communicate the darkness and uncertainty of that night.