Barely Breathing

“Barely Breathing” was born out of the intense anxiety and depression that has plagued my life since high school. Due to the lack of conversation about the specifics of anxiety, I thought this was just something strange that I was experiencing, some weird Anneliese-ism that would eventually go away. Going into college, it became so difficult that I couldn’t write papers because I couldn’t stop cracking my knuckles and my chest hurt from breathing so deeply to calm myself. I began seeing a therapist after four years, and this time of self-reflection lent itself to the creation of this project.

To prepare for “Barely Breathing”, I began a list of my symptoms and the specific situations in my life that caused them. It was very strange making that list. Some of it was very easy to write down, symptoms that I knew I had experienced and had already started to figure out how to deal with, but much of it was more difficult to write. Soon the list became almost a textbook of my life, and with all of the words laid out before me, I could begin to think about this project more from a creator’s point of view, a director trying to bring a film to life.

At this point I began to work on the visual storytelling. Originally meant as a video art installation, the work was meant to be shown on a semicircle of vertical screens. The center three screens would show the main character and all of the symptoms of her anxiety, the elements of this mental illness that people actually see, but don’t necessarily understand. The side screens would present the corresponding anxiety-triggering situations. While the main character would interact with the sides of the room, and be affected by them, the viewer would have to actually physically turn and look at the walls, showing that the world must consciously look deeper at the causes of anxiety in those around them. Taking place in the all-encompassing void of a studio space, the film portrays the beginning, middle, and end of an anxiety attack.

Due to the effect that sound can have on those experiencing anxiety, I was in constant contact with my sound designer, Keira Simmons, from the beginning of pre-production. Know as a soundscape designer, Keira was able to work with me to create the overall tone of the piece and assign means to every sound that can be heard, from the sudden knocks on doors to the quickening, anxiety-inducing hyperventilation. This sound design, in concert with the incredibly talented efforts of my editor, Emma Taubner, made this film great, and I found that the overwhelming effect it had on the viewer would be better experienced in a traditional cinematic format, while still honoring the multiple screens by creating a 16:9 triptych.

This film is meant to call attention to the lives of those who experience intense anxiety and depression, and how important it is to talk to others and reach out for help if needed. The entire process was incredibly healing for me, and I am very excited for others to gain insight into the lives of people like me.