When the House Burns

We all have it in us, the tendency to live up to the expectations of somebody close to us, especially somebody that values us or makes us feel like we can be better. It is such a natural dependence that comes from birth, and for me had been my closest ally, my motivation to achieve the greatest things, even if they were unrealistic. But at what point does this race towards the stars not only have no end in sight, but becomes destructive? At what point are you wallowing in pain and prying for an opening to get out of the box you trapped yourself in? Kiko blindly persists in her relationship with Mari, knowing how much Mari’s expectations break her down. But instead of trying to end a meaningless relationship, she tries to find escapes in drugs while returning to Mari afterwards every single time. Despite her attempts, she can never escape–she’s trapped by her own memories that degrade her and keep her in this relationship that she thinks will heal her. Kiko battles her expectations on all sides, which is an experience that is worsened by the cultural expectations that weigh her down.
I placed aspects of Japanese culture throughout the movie to show my own battles with the cultural expectations of being a second generation Japanese-American, and how no matter how much I try, I can never fully break myself away from some of the expectations that come from living with an immigrant parent who can only see the best I can be. Likewise, Kiko hears the voice of her parents blurred together in an angry storm in the beginning, followed by her own girlfriend’s calm yet inquisitive voice speaking to her in Japanese, which shows Kiko’s constant feeling of being surveilled by the people around her that expect her to do everything right and point out everything flawed about her. I combined this with a play narration I wrote that outlines the reality that Mari sees Kiko only for what she is worth, and not for who she really is, even though Mari’s intentions are just for Kiko to be an upstanding and healthy person. The scenes in the first and second acts are mixed with pink and blue to show the comfort in having a stable partner, and the darker reality that juxtaposes it, which is that Kiko and Mari’s relationship is so broken because they are like two opposing colors put together that can never blend. Finally, I wanted the movie to start and end the same way because the cycle of unhealthy dependence and self-destruction that Kiko and Mari maintain goes on and on. Much like Kiko’s relapse into her drug addiction, Kiko and Mari’s relationship that tethers Kiko to unrealistic expectations is merely another type of addiction that keeps her holding onto the false hope that her relationship is what is best for her. It is simply the truth, that the unrealistic expectations people hold for themselves are just a cloud of smoke, and if you can get your head out of it, life can finally be lived, not persisted.