RANDOM THOUGHTS OF A TRAVELLER

23062019 [22:10]
Since I was little I have had the feeling of not belonging, it all begins with my parents; both foreigners (Italian and Mexican). Being born in Germany was not enough to obtain nationality and that is where a difference (from abroad) is made within me. Later when I came to live in Mexico, I continued that feeling of helplessness and estrangement. Well, now I was neither from Germany nor from Italy, but I didn't feel from here either. Who I am? In the desperation of the personal search to know where I belong, who I am, and where I am going, if I did not feel part of anything, the answers to those questions were that longing to belong. In that journey of questions I have found myself alone and I have experienced emptiness and detachment; recognizing that we live, but we also die, and that time, in constant motion, changes everything. In this discovery of change, I have stopped to reflect with nostalgia on the past time and I have discovered what has already died, the past that no longer exists and what will never be the same, as Emil Cioran says: “what has already dead inside of me ”.Apparently, this being a very personal search, it becomes a universal issue, since I am neither the first nor the last person to ask this question. Time / nostalgia takes us out of our land - makes us foreigners, that's why I consider this feeling of not-belonging even more universal. "Cinema has made us feel three times more" (Los Ilusos, Jonas Trueba, 2013), they say that since cinema was invented, humanity feels life 3 times more, since it can find itself in situations that it could never have imagined. I dare say that the cinema has taught me everything I know and has undoubtedly managed to make me feel three times more. Well, it has made me connect with people in an honest way; the cinema has transformed me, and it has become my form of resistance. Autoethnography is composed of two temporalities: the past, the origin, my childhood. And to the here and now that marks the reflection of the questions about identity. All the subtitles are reflections that I have had today and most were written during trips that I have taken. The identity of the "lonely traveler" is the identity that I have attributed to myself and that I call a foreigner, a stateless person, someone who does not belong and who is also a suspect. Suspicious for not fitting in, for being different, for being the other. And they represent a being that reflects on the passage of time, love, loneliness, and how changing the identity of the human being is, reflections that have come out by observing people at airports, a place that I consider interesting because it seems a place to belong doesn't matter.
- Marce D’Agostino.