Mixed Up

It always felt awkward to take ownership of my heritage because I was often made to feel that I wasn’t “Indian enough”. Like many people of colour, I struggle with the idea of having to pick a side and then ultimately falling short when I do. Mixed Up is a culmination of my thoughts and feelings about being half Indian. It's a search for validation in my confusion and the realisation that fundamentally my journey has been about the search for belonging. Culture, language, family, and food is embedded in belonging. But for many third culture kids, the culture they practice at home is far different from the “systems” or bi-cultural context of their environment. It's pretty isolating to feel like you are torn between two worlds, especially when there is no option to embrace both. I am interested in exploring these mixed feelings, hoping it will help other people realise a sense of belonging through the experiences of others. It was important for me to have food facilitate the conversation because of the historical significance recipes and flavours have within our communities. I believe a part of history is made in the kitchen, and often those stories are forgotten. Especially in Asian households, food is how we show our love to one another. I wanted to pay respect and give honour to the generations of women in our lives who have provided for the their families. Cooking is not something I enjoy, but rather a piece of heritage I've come to appreciate. I used to loathe being in the kitchen. But I realise that for many older women it has become their legacy. My grandmother's biriyani is a rice dish very few in my family are able to get the flavours right. No measurements, all feeling, and years of practice. This is my first time making this dish in the hope of mastering it one day.