Love Will Tear Us Apart

In retrospect, the story initially comes from 2017, when a documentary filmed me. I traveled from northern China down south for a funeral as a narrator, meeting old acquaintances and picturing memories that happened in every city. One phenomenon that captured me is a nihilism regarding common values pervading among the 90s generation who live in the big city under limited resources and uneven distribution. At the same time, they want themselves to want something eagerly, with idealistic hope and reckless dedication, especially in a relationship, which could be the purest pursuit. Indeed, it turns out to be the most erratic. When I came to New York in 2018 and traveled to Detroit, I discovered similar stories that transcend all boundaries. After the pandemic, the concern about how to live and what we want haunts my generation (including me) evermore so. More or less, we are all experiencing the same frustrations and aimlessness.
Resistance to the growing ambiance of opportunism, hedonism, and consumerism, the nihilist believes in nothing-no purpose, no principles, and no meaning in life. However, they persist in destroying instead of rebuilding. Therefore, the thought of ‘live fast, die young’ has emerged more in the youth culture. Due to the impatience about living, a sacrifice for love stands out among all the trivialness for self-fulfillment, with no cost, and ends in a dichotomy. Love is blind, as well as hate.
So I wonder what if a nihilist, who has been defined in contemporary times as a loser,’ ‘good-for-nothing,’ or ‘a misfit’ and fails in every relationship with his lover, family, friends, and even co-workers, still wants to succeed at something once? Meanwhile, he holds the most idealism, romanticism, and individual heroism, although he can never get a chance to practice in reality, which will be revealed through his monologues as a complementary to his life and also an attempt to break the gap between two mediums - novel and film. I would like to portray the protagonist as an atypical revolutionist and one who challenges nihilism in his love. His whole night’s journey is about wanting his girlfriend back, but eventually, he finds out he only wants to want her. He likens to the modern figure of Sisyphus, who can never roll the stone up the hill if there is no hill. As for myself, he is a powerless, disposable, yet rebellious “hero.”