Private Project

I Can't Even (All Dot The Dot Time)

Official Music Video from Christmas Freak Movie Soundtrack. Rudy is as uncool as they get. He's a 43-yr old lonely manboy who celebrates Christmas everyday in hopes that it might bring his father back when he left he and his dragon lady, chain smoking, dragon lady mother. Nelson, is the coolest guy and Rudy's Christmas Spirit. He is so cool, it's a crime. All Dot The Dot Time.

  • Sean Brown
    Director
    Christmas Freak (movie), Radio Silence, Strictly Professional
  • Gemma Bulos
    Writer
    Christmas Freak, Nothing Is Impossible, Breaking Barriers
  • Sean Brown
    Writer
    Christmas Freak (movie), Radio Silence, Strictly Professional
  • Gemma Bulos
    Producer
    Christmas Freak, Nothing Is Impossible, Breaking Barriers
  • Sean Brown
    Key Cast
    "Santa"
    Christmas Freak (movie), Radio Silence, Strictly Professional
  • Gemma Bulos
    Key Cast
    "Mrs. Santa"
    Christmas Freak, Nothing Is Impossible, Breaking Barriers
  • Taco
    Key Cast
    "Prancer"
    Christmas Freak
  • Sean Marlow
    Key Cast
    "Rudy Rotnase"
    Christmas Freak (movie), Strictly Professional
  • David Drumgold
    Key Cast
    "Nelson (Cool Guy)"
    Christmas Freak, To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything!
  • Amy Hagan
    Key Cast
    "Clarice Fawn"
    Christmas Freak, Catnapped, Butterflies and Guppies
  • Pheonix Wolfe
    Key Cast
    "Bartender"
    Christmas Freak, Blackwater Holylight: Jizz Witch
  • Montetre
    Shot and Cut
    Christmas Freak, Zombie Cats from Mars, Holed-Up
  • David Snider
    Music Arranger and Musician
    Christmas Freak
  • Project Type:
    Music Video
  • Runtime:
    2 minutes 36 seconds
  • Completion Date:
    January 11, 2022
  • Country of Origin:
    United States
  • Shooting Format:
    Digital
  • Aspect Ratio:
    16:9
  • Film Color:
    Color
  • First-time Filmmaker:
    No
  • Student Project:
    No
Director Biography - Sean Brown

Sean Brown is an award-winning film maker and writer in Portland, Oregon. He has completed 4 feature films since 2013 and is Portland’s most prolific zero budget filmmaker.

Sean’s films, budgets ranging from $500 – $750, have screened in festivals throughout Europe, Asia, Central America, and North America. His film RADIO SILENCE was awarded grand prize at WIPE festival in Germany. And his latest film, STRICTLY PROFESSIONAL was honored with acceptance at the 45th NW Filmmaker’s Film Festival in November 2018.

Sean has been married for 27 years to a remarkable man. They have one daughter, one granddaughter, and a chihuahua.

Add Director Biography
Director Statement

I love people. I love telling stories about them. I love figuring out why a person makes the choices they make.

I was inspired by the touchstone Christmas stories of It’s A Wonderful Life and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, both of which examine the power of community, love, and individualism.

Christmas Freak is a mash up of traditional Christmas stories with a peculiarly millennial perspective that spans generational experiences. In creating the character “Rudy”, I chose to explore alienation (which is something many of us feel more acutely at Christmas) through the negative template for Ebenezer Scrooge. Both characters have disconnected from society and both are sewing their own fates. But while Scrooge will not acknowledge Christmas, Rudy will acknowledge nothing but Christmas.

Christmas Freak is a personal story about growing up with a giant emptiness in your life. We alienate. We isolate. We hope nobody notices how broken we are. We do our best to fill the void. But our best never seems to be good enough. Everyone else is obviously perfect. Obviously. No visible problems. So we try to be perfect too. But we fail. We decide it’s easier to shut off from the world and be angry that the “perfect ones” don’t understand us. Maybe they’re not so perfect after all…. Even more reason to push away and reject them before they reject us. But the funny thing about growing up with a giant emptiness in your life is that, in one way or another, we all have an emptiness. Even the perfect ones. It’s the process of discovering what that emptiness is, and what it wants, that makes us who we are. And nobody does that alone. Everybody needs somebody. Everybody needs to love and to be loved. Sometimes, that means trusting that our imperfections are no more or less imperfect than anyone else’s. Because together we’re so much more than imperfect. We’re perfectly imperfect.

I know you’ll love Christmas Freak. There’s something about Rudy and his misguided efforts to seem “cool”, despite an ache that will not go away, that is familiar to us all.