Laced with the nectar of life

My diploma film- Sudhamayee was made in 2019. The film revolves around my mother’s life. Growing up, I saw my mother struggle a lot because of her disease. Her struggle impacted my understanding of life. An incident that took place at the age of 16, crept inside me the fear of losing her. One evening, as I returned home from a class, I saw Ma struggling for breath. I ran to call for an auto; took her to the nearby hospital. Her oxygen levels had dipped down to 68 from 99. Thereafter, the fear of loss, and the idea of mortality housed in my subconscious. Being in my mother’s dialysis ward would often make me think of the enormous amount of energy, capital, and pain involved in living life. During the project’s research stage, I started having conversations with my mom about her life- the times she felt her disease is absolutely unbearable. I dug out her old medical reports, and photographs. I phoned my Grand Aunt and spoke to her for hours about Ma’s life before I was born. I practised my camera skills during the research days by filming her in various moments- listening to music; watching television; practising her faith; cooking etc. Those moments were revealing several traits of her personality. Reading Krishna Sobti’s Ae Ladki had a huge impact on me. It made me feel how a person, whether they like it or not, has to submit to the grind of life. I began feeling that slog in so many activities of my mother.

This documentary made me look at and understand life closely. The camera helped me understand these moments of life, more objectively. The protagonist, my mother is a woman having to deal with a lot in her life. She chooses to stay strong and positive, partly because she is in a position where she doesn’t have the privilege to be subsumed only in worries about her health. She is having to juggle many things at once, and is being expected to do so. The style of filmmaking is observational in nature. It observes the various narratives unfolding inside the household. In my film, I try to closely observe the existential and mundane nature of living; and how one after a point gets used to the suffering (of all forms). The conversations give an insight to the problems in a middle class family, and how despite the problems, one can be happy and experience moments of joy.