That's a Wrap (Hold the Onions)

YO!

I like to drink milk
And I like to eat cookies.
You think that I’m a baller
But I’m really just a rookie.

I used to play baseball.
Man you KNOW I was the worst!
Accidentally hit the ball once,
Ran to third instead of first.

Sports just weren’t my thing,
And neither was Karate.
Cool kids wouldn’t let me hang
‘Cause I wasn’t naughty.

Until I got suspended
For bringin’ in my bunny.
Why do people laugh at that?
Yo, It’s not funny!

I can’t cook worth a crap.
Yeah, it’s actually pretty sad.
Got more lame jokes
Than an awkward dad.

I drive a beat up car
That usually doesn’t run.
Rockin’ that SPF 80
‘Cause I can't do sun!

I got freckles, and freckles,
And freckles galore.
Thought I couldn’t get another
But I keep gettin’ more!

Always been kinda tall
But wanted to be short.
Never cool enough for skirts,
So I had to wear a scort.

See me walkin’ around
In a pair of old Crocs.
Me and your Grandpa,
Matchin’ sandals and socks!

But don’t be intimidated,
What you see is what you get.
If you’re goin’ on a date with me
I know you lost a bet.

CHORUS:

***Mama said that the people would laugh
   But it’s not ‘cause I’m weird.
   It’s because I’m different and unique
   Like a lady with a beard!

   She said, although everybody poops,
   People think that they’re the best.
   But we’ve all got our problems,
   I just have more than the rest…!***

I’m not super duper
But I am a LITTLE stitious.
And you’re not my friend if you think
Unicorns are fictitious.

I am always runnin’ late,
Can’t get anywhere on time.
But at least I can drop beats,
And write a sick...SONG.

I get lost walkin’ around
In my very own house.
Such a wimp you could scare me with a
PICTURE of a mouse!!!

Sleep with the same guy every night,
He’s such a good fellow.
Some girls like their the sponges blue…
But I like mine yellow.

Eatin’ off that Dollar Menu,
Pinchin’ Pennies ain’t a joke.
This is not a life choice...
It’s just ‘cause I’m broke!

I play Bop-It on the reg.
You could say that I’m a “gamer”.
Self Proclaimed
“World Champ-No Namer”.

Some people think I’m funny,
But looks aren’t everything.
If only I could play an instrument
And knew how to sing.

I’d take the world by storm,
Just me and my harmonica.
For now I guess I’ll stick to rap,
So listen while I talk to ya!

I’m tellin’ you the truth,
I’ll say it with pride.
Don’t even know you but
“your name” is tattooed on my side.

Can’t promise your white clothes
In my presence won’t get stained,
But I can turn them into tie-dye
While I keep you entertained!

***CHORUS***

If injuries are cool,
Then you can call me James Dean.
If puns are royalty then
Baby, I’m the Queen.

Yeah I’ll fork it over, knife to know ya.
Hope to see you spoon.
I’ll quack you up like a duck,
Then you’ll call me a loon.

I’ll compliment your look,
Even if it’s horrible.
Excuse me, Sir. I love your hat.
It really is FADORA-ble.

But who am I to talk?
I’m always dressin’ tacky.
At least I’ve got good jeans (genes)
And even better khaki's!

I'm as cheesy as a pizza,
More corny than Nebraska.
“Hey! Where’s tha girl from?”
“I don't know, Alaska!” (I’ll ask her).

I'm as gutless as a pumpkin,
Carved for Halloween.
No movie director
But always causin’ a scene.

Won’t put away my fanny pack,
Or those ugly sweaters.
‘Cause it’s the pits, I forgot to shave.
My hair’s more red(read) than a letter.

I’m so thug I got a G-mail.
Flipped a boat cause it wasn't for sale (sail).
Went horseback riding then wrote a book
And called that thing a “Pony Tale” (tail).

Let me break this down for you real quick… (smash sound)
Ok...now that that’s done, let’s get back to rappin’!

Break:
I’m not a hip hopper
Name dropper
“Don’t stop till I hit the top”per

Kinda gal.
I’ll be your pal.
And I’m livin’ out in SO. CAL!

Which is pretty insane
‘Cause I’m really from Maine.
But that doesn't mean that
I’m some “Plain Jane.”

I’m a pretty cool chick
Who does magic tricks
And can blow your mind on a PO-GO STIIIIIIIICK.

*coughs*
(Speaking) Let's take it back to the chorus...yeah.

CHORUS 2x

  • Rachel Caron
    Author
    Author of children's book, "The Magical Fanny Pack"
  • Rachel Caron & Brendan MacMillan Sound
    Name of Band or Artist
    Brendan Macmillan is the lead singer of the band, "Roadside Scholars"
  • Rachel Caron
    Director
    Directed Promo Video for NBC's "The Voice" star: Caity Peters
  • Rachel Caron
    Writer
    Author of children's book, "The Magical Fanny Pack"
  • Project Type:
    Music Video
  • Runtime:
    5 minutes 10 seconds
  • Completion Date:
    November 26, 2016
  • Country of Origin:
    United States
  • Country of Filming:
    United States
  • Language:
    English
  • Film Color:
    Color
  • First-time Filmmaker:
    Yes
  • Student Project:
    Yes
Director Biography - Rachel Caron

This quirky son of a gun is a dancing, singing, acting Maine native, who traveled the world for 4 years with a California based touring troupe called "The Young Americans"...educating and performing in more than 13 different countries! She loves donuts, dancing in public and partying like a rock star. She now lives in NYC, where all those things are very easy to come by.

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Director Statement

"Growing old is mandatory, growing UP is optional."