I Have Lost Myself

“The more I performed as my mother, the more I became her. I am writing a script about her and me and our relationship and how we have reluctantly reversed our roles - Mother and Daughter. I am slowly losing myself, just as my mother is losing herself. I am taking on my mother’s identity by performing as her and by caring for her and writing about her. By shooting a film a day, I am forced to film when I don’t always want to.”

I Have Lost Myself documents the daily rehearsals and technical experiments of the performance piece, Give Me the Key. Filmed daily over thirty days for a future live art performance, the artist sets up her experiments in-between caring for her mother who is never seen but is ever-present in another room. The strain of filming every day while caring for a mother near the end of her life becomes too much. After a trip out to the pub where her mother has an outburst, the artist breaks down on camera and admits for the first time that she is her mother's full-time carer and not the independent creative she once was. What unfolds is the colliding of performance and the every day as the artist slowly loses her sense of self.

I Have Lost Myself documents the daily rehearsals and technical experiments of Give Me the Key, filmed daily over thirty days for a future live art performance in-between caring for her mother in another room. What unfolds is the colliding of performance and the every day as the artist slowly loses her sense of self.

I Have Lost Myself is a powerful and disturbing compilation from 300+ videos, filmed daily over thirty days, depicting the raw and honest portrait of living with dementia and the blurring of the artist process. It is a powerful and disturbing statement on family relationships and responsibility.

I Have Lost Myself is a powerful and disturbing statement on family relationships and responsibility. What unfolds is the colliding of performance and the every day as the artist slowly loses her sense of self.

28:09 mins Color/Sound